


caught between the darkness and the dawn

by bapplejack



Series: all we need is daylight [3]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Established Relationship, F/F, some mentions of stuff from my other ficlets, tracer character study with a side of gay, uhhh it's pre-fall and then post-recall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 18:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9915821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bapplejack/pseuds/bapplejack
Summary: Lena's curiosity about Angela's connection to the Valkyrie suit leads to reflecting upon herself, as well as Overwatch's role in the world.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this started out as me just wanting to write about my mercy headcanon and it turned into being more about tracer, oops. more silly than the other shit i've written. sorry i suck at british english but mccree is super cowboy to make up for it i guess

There was no reason for Lena to linger any longer than she always did; while the regular physical check-ups were required for her _unusual_ situation, all the appointments consisted of were a quick scan of her vitals and inquiries about her general health. She could leave in five minutes or less--ten minutes at the very most, and that was only if Angela was even busier than usual and juggling multiple tasks at once.

But Lena stayed, and Angela never objected.

She made sure not to be a distraction and sat still, quietly watching Angela as she worked--even if the inactivity and silence made her fidgety.

It was worth it though, just to spend some time alone with her.

_Lena was in so deep._

Though she wasn’t as awkward as she was half a year ago when she’d started these weekly check-ups; back then all she could manage was a dumb little grin as her heart sped up and betrayed her.

(Luckily, Angela never said anything, just gave her a curious brow raise and asked, “Are you sure everything’s okay?” To which Lena would nod, maybe a bit too enthusiastically, and while Angela didn’t look convinced, she’d drop the issue and made a small note on Lena’s vitals’ logs.)

 _Now_ though, she was better at pretending that everything was a-okay and she wasn’t pining after Overwatch’s Head of Medical Research.

Yep.

Totally platonic.

~~_Quiet, repressed sob._ ~~

Lena was grateful Angela was so focused and engrossed in her work--it made it easier to get away with wistfully staring at her face and daydreaming about brushing back strands of her hair and--

_Tone it down a bit, please._

She tore her gaze away ~~from her beautiful face~~ and pretended to look at the three holo-screens in front of Angela. Almost a dozen windows were open and overlapping, each filled with reports and schematics except for one: off to the side in plain view was a newsfeed, and while the volume was low and the reporter barely audible, Lena didn’t need to hear to know what they were talking about.

The video playback was a grainy phone recording of a rowdy mob at night flying flags and banners of the Overwatch logo crossed out in red paint. Everyone was chanting “ _down with Overwatch_ ”--seemed to be the fan-favorite--and across the screen read the headline: _Overwatch Overstepped?_

Lena frowned. Anti-Overwatch sentiments were on the rise lately, and while she recognized there were definitely things that could be improved upon, some folks wanted it to be dismantled and gone completely.

It didn’t make sense to her--they were doing _good_. Everyone Lena knew was doing their best to make the world a better place. They fought, put their lives in danger, and worked themselves to the bone. She glanced at Angela, who didn’t seem to notice or care about the background noise, as absorbed in her work as she was.

_Good._

Lena sighed and leaned forward in her seat, resting her elbows on her knees and propping her face in her hands. Maybe she was biased, but if all the protesters knew someone like Angela was part of Overwatch, they’d change their tune pretty quick. She was caring and selfless--all she wanted to do was help and heal; even when the UN and Overwatch forced her into a compromising position, Angela remained steadfast. She could leave whenever she wanted. There were plenty of opportunities for her elsewhere; she could go back to the hospital where they didn’t ask anything else of her besides to mend wounds.

But she stayed.

And while she could defend herself if need be, she was a doctor first and foremost, not a soldier. Yet she was in the fray almost as frequently as the others. It made sense for Jack and Ana to be on the field as often as they were, but why Angela? Couldn’t they train someone else to pilot the Valkyrie suit? It wasn’t a pleasant thought, but it seemed careless to endanger their lead doctor…

“Lena?”

The slow, cautious prompt pulled Lena out of her thoughts and she blinked. But before she could respond, Angela already rolled closer with her chair and placed a warm, gentle hand around hers.

“Are you okay?” Her brow was furrowed in worry.

 _Yeah, absolutely!_ was what she wanted to say, but the unexpected touch fried her brain, and all of Lena’s words were stuck in her throat as she looked up to meet Angela’s gaze. Lena could tell by the questions in her eyes and the grounding physical contact that Angela was worried she was dissociating, but…

_No, I’m just being awkward._

Lena nodded and cleared her throat. “Fine. I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking about something and zoned out.”

Angela sighed in relief, though she didn’t release her grasp on her hand.

Not that Lena was going to complain.

“Is it anything you’d like to talk about?” she smiled softly.

“Oh! Uh. Actually, yeah.” Lena tilted her head curiously. “I was wondering… why isn’t anyone else trained to pilot the suit?” She gestured towards it with her free hand. “It seems a lot of responsibility for you to do so much work on base in the labs, as well as be out on the field. Wouldn’t it be easier if someone else worked it too? Or if there were more of them made, even...”

Lena noticed Angela’s eyes trail away and her fingers loosening around her hand. She gave a noncommittal half-shrug. “I’m simply the best fit for the job. It’s nothing I can’t handle, with the help of a cup of coffee. Or a dozen,” she smirked.

Hm. Lena wasn’t satisfied with the side-step, and wanted to push the topic further. What was the best way to respond? “I know you are, doc, but--”

“Didn’t you have shooting practice with Jesse?”

“Huh?” She glanced out of the corner of her eye at the clock. “Oh, crap--I’m late!” In one swift motion, Lena grabbed the chrono accelerator resting beside her on the floor and sprinted out of the room.

 

* * *

 

“Don’t look so glum, kid. You’re making progress. ‘sides, it ain’t so easy to outshoot me.”

Lena watched the replay of their shooting session; the hologram sped through each of their shots hitting the marks with a burst of light--she’d managed to land a few on the bulls-eye, but not nearly as many as Jesse.

She twisted her mouth up in a frown and sighed. “Thanks.”

He reached over to tousle her hair. “What’s eating at you? You seem distracted.” Jesse gestured her over as he sat himself down on the bench behind them and leaned back against the wall.

Lena plopped down beside him and absentmindedly swung her legs backwards and forwards. “It’s nothing important. Just…”

_I wonder why she doesn’t want to talk about it?_

“Out with it, now.” Jesse nudged her in the side lightly. “I ain’t gonna tattle on you, and you’ll feel lighter for it.”

Lena looked at him and wondered what the harm could be in divulging--then she remembered Angela and Jesse joined Overwatch at the same time. Despite their tendency to snark back and forth at each other, she was pretty certain they were best friends. Probably.

So besides the commanders, if anyone else knew…

She rubbed the back of her neck. “I was talking to Angela earlier today, and asked her a question… I don’t know if maybe it’s personal and I shouldn’t pester her about it, but she seemed to close up.” Lena shrugged.

“Huh. That’s surprising.”

“It is?”

“Just didn’t think there was anything she’d be afraid to talk to you about.”

“Oh.” A beat of silence passed before Lena fully absorbed the implications of that statement. “Wait--what does that mean?”

“So what’s it you asked her?” Jesse swiftly deflected her question with a smirk.

She didn’t respond right away and instead stared at him, unimpressed. He didn’t back down though, and there was nothing for her to do but concede.

 _These two…_ They were both so stubborn, no wonder they drove each other nuts.

“I was wondering why only she could pilot the Valkyrie suit when it makes more sense to send someone else onto the front lines. She just said she was ‘the best fit for the job,’ and nothing else.”

Curiosity lit up Jesse’s eyes. “Don’t know why she’d hush up about that all of a sudden.”

“So you know why?” Lena leaned closer, eager for an answer.

“Sure do, though I reckon she’d want to tell you the whole story herself.” He huffed and looked up at the ceiling in exasperation. “I’m sure she wants you to know, she just needs a little nudge, which is what I’m here for, I suppose.”

Lena said nothing, waiting with wide eyes.

“If anyone else tries to pilot it, they die.”

 

* * *

 

Lena made it back to the med lab in record time; she slid into the office chair and her inertia rolled the seat across the room until she bumped into the side of the desk Angela was working at. She slowly looked away from the screen as her fingers ceased typing.

There were a few moments of silence while Lena caught her breath and Angela looked her up and down, her bewilderment restrained, but obvious.

“Is… something wrong?” Clearly she was worried, even as she puzzled out what could be the issue. Lena could practically see her mind line-up all the possible clues. “What happ--oh _god_ ,” the confusion in her eyes made way for realization and she facepalmed. “ _What_ did he tell you?”

“If other people try to pilot it, they die.” Lena was still wide-eyed from the conversation with Jesse.

“ _What?!_ _No_ \--that’s not--Fu…” Angela trailed off and continued to mumble to herself, though Lena couldn’t discern the words. Some of them sounded German, and she was fairly certain she heard something along the lines of _‘I'm going to kill him'_  thrown in there.

Angela took a deep breath and turned in her chair to fully face Lena. “He was exaggerating, presumably to be an ass,” she stated dryly.

“...Exaggerating isn’t the same as lying…” Lena expected her to cut in and assure her they were lies; Jesse was joking around and simply wanted her to hear it straight from Angela.

“...It’s half-a-lie, half-a-truth?” she offered with a small shrug.

“That... doesn’t help.”

Angela sighed and rubbed her face, though Lena didn’t know whether to read it as frustration or fatigue. She knew better than to take the ‘dozen coffees’ joke from earlier as simply a wry comment.

“I’m the only one who pilots it because I am _literally_ the only one who can interface with it. If anyone else tries to, it won’t work. They don’t _die_.”

Lena bit back a grin--it would be poorly timed, even if she thought Angela’s irritation at Jesse was kind of cute. The two bickered like siblings.

“So… why is that?” she asked instead, eager to keep the conversation going as long as Angela was open to sharing.

“Because…” She sighed again, and this time Lena was certain it was because she was tired. She’d have to nudge Angela to bed after this. “The suit wasn’t responsive enough through manual input. In situations where every split-second counts, it needs to react instantly. The movement to propel the suit forward was originally controlled by an interface mapped in the gloves, and we’d already gone through dozens of iterations to maximize efficiency but it still wasn’t quite enough.

“The only way to make it respond even quicker was if the suit received commands directly from the user’s brain, but that required implementing a connector to the operator’s spine, the surgery for which was… The success rate isn’t reassuring, to say the least.”

“So… instead of forcing the risk on someone else, you took it on yourself?” Lena voiced her thoughts aloud.

Angela gave a small shrug and smiled sheepishly. While she was far from boastful, she was a confident person and this was an uncommon expression for her.

_You are supposed to be focusing on game-changing revelations, not how adorable the doc is._

Yeah, but that was _hard_.

“Sacrifices must be made for any scientific advancement, but I wouldn’t be much of a doctor if I so readily offered up other’s lives for my invention. I… All of this--it’s not a secret. I hadn’t meant to keep it from you, and now in hindsight I realize I should have just answered your question instead of giving that cowboy an opportunity to put ideas in your head,” Angela rolled her eyes. “I was reluctant because... I was afraid it might upset you.”

That _was not_ what Lena expected. “Upset me?” she repeated, confused.

She tapped her fingers rhythmically against the desk; a nervous tic, maybe? “It was a foolish thing to do--there were probably other solutions available if I’d been more patient instead of so eagerly putting myself under the knife. I don’t want you to think I commonly opt for the more reckless route--”

“--I don’t,” Lena reassured, partially to put a pause in Angela’s rambling, which seemed to get more anxious with each word spoken. “I mean. You shouldn’t. In the future. But it’s so… you. To do that.” _Putting yourself in danger to protect others._

“...Be reckless?”

“Wh--No, I meant. That’s not what I meant--” _Great_ , now _she_ was rambling because she’d messed up her chance to be all sweet, and instead vaguely insulted Angela. “You’re always making sacrifices to help other people. You put yourself in danger just so you could _keep_ helping others. And I really like that about you. Admire. I really. Admire that about you.” Lena swallowed.

_Why did you take it back?? You should’ve followed through!!_

_God_ , she was a mess.

Seemingly unaware ~~thank god~~ of Lena’s gay internal crisis, Angela smiled softly. “That’s kind of you. Thank you.” She rested her elbow on the desk and propped her chin up, her eyes directed back towards the screens, though it was almost as if she gazed past them. “It’s a nice thing to hear after all they say about us on the news these days.”

Lena frowned. “Forget them, all that stuff’s rubbish. We’ll get through this. _We_ know we’re the good guys, and the good guys always win.”

Angela glanced back at her, her expression turning warm. _This would be the perfect time to make a move._ But Lena was too paralyzed by her stomach rolling around and her heart choking up. She really hoped she wasn’t blushing, because _that_ would be a dead giveaway.

“I suppose they do.”

All that stuff about not pining after Overwatch’s Head of Medical Research? Yeah, all of that never felt as flimsy as it did now. Because here Lena was, sitting in front of her as Angela looked all pretty and affectionate and she’d just learned that this amazing woman was even more so than she thought.

_Why do people think Overwatch was trying to do anything but good?_

 

* * *

 

Peaceful nights usually made Lena antsy. It wasn’t as bad before the recall; she tried to adjust to a normal civilian life and fooled herself for a while, though eventually she just fell into the role of a vigilante anyway.

Kind of like Jack.

Lena scoffed to herself quietly, rolling her eyes as she shifted in bed to face the back of the sleeping body in front of her.

_We’re nothing alike._

She reached forward, her index finger gliding lightly against Angela’s shirt and pushing just gently enough to feel the small, diamond-shaped metal frame underneath it and traced its edges. The middle dipped down into a plating that covered the connector and only opened up to the plug of the suit. Her fingers continued to trail down the smooth reinforcement that lasted only an inch or two further down her spine.

The fall of Overwatch was a bitter and disappointing time, and while Lena knew there were dozens of factors that led to its undoing, and there was no one person to blame, she couldn’t help but harbor some resentment towards Jack and Gabe.

The world had already been against them… The last thing they’d needed was conflict from the inside--especially from the two people the organization depended on. After Ana’s death, things fell more and more apart, and it seemed inevitable… But Jack and Gabe could’ve held it together if they hadn’t let their personal differences get in the way.

They’d let down everyone after their fight and “dying.” _They_ didn’t need to be present when the UN put the rest of them under a magnifying glass and tore them down piece-by-piece. _They_ weren’t the ones sitting in trial as the world subjected them to interrogation and threw dirty accusations one after another.

It was difficult not to begrudge Jack and Gabe when they were what finally broke Overwatch yet weren’t there to carry the burden like the rest of them. As Reinhardt and Torbjorn were the only founding members left, and Angela the only of the commanders, the three of them were most subjected to relentless questioning.

The remaining agents could do nothing but watch as days passed and the UN judged and condemned their family.

Lena sighed and pulled herself closer to Angela, her hands clinging onto the fabric of her shirt as she pressed her face against her back.

_I wish I could’ve helped you more._

The entire ordeal wore down Angela; even if she’d tried to hide it, Lena could tell. Any time they’d spent together during the investigation was mostly in silence, as she held Angela in what she hoped was a comforting embrace.

Five years later, and Lena’s overwhelming disappointment only grew into a subtly restrained bitterness. There’d been many nights she lay awake, thinking of all the ways she’d give them a piece of her mind if they’d ever met again.

_Why did you leave us?_

_Where have you been?_

_Why did it have to end in a fight?_

_Why did you destroy everything?_

_All that we stood for and all that we went through together, did none of it matter to you in the end?_

_Do_ **_we_ ** _not matter to you?_

Maybe if either of them answered the recall, things could be different. They could try to make amends. But Jack preferred his broody, lone warrior routine as Soldier: 76, and Gabe… Lena didn’t like dwelling on the rumors of whom he allied himself with these days.

They were all defying the Petras Act, but that didn’t mean they were the same.

Winston initiated the recall because the world needed people to defend it; they all recognized that as hard as they were trying on their own, it couldn’t compare to the amount of good they’d do working together.

But what was Soldier: 76 after? What was the point in stalking around, hunting villains in the dark?

Did he care more about helping people, or did he care more about finding a war to fight?

Lena huffed, irritated by the thoughts.

Maybe it all would’ve hurt less if she didn’t respect Jack and Gabe so much.

She wrapped her arms around Angela’s waist and hugged her tightly, grateful for her comforting presence, even if she was sleeping.

Because even if they’d all been separated in the past five years, Angela never _left._ She never gave up on helping and healing people, even after Overwatch and the UN twisted her arm and beat them down. She came back, just as Lena knew she would.

 _Hoped_ she would.

Angela shifted, stirring from unconsciousness and rolled onto her back. She blinked sleepily at Lena, possibly contemplating whether she should just close her eyes again, before mumbling, “Can’t sleep?”

Lena shrugged, though she accepted the invitation of open arms and wiggled into the embrace, curling against her and resting against her shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothin’.”

Angela scoffed. “You are _always_ thinking about something.”

“Maybe I just like staring at your face.”

“Those two are not mutually exclusive.”

“I’m thinking about how much I like to stare at your face.”

“So cheeky,” Angela sighed in mock-resignation. She shifted closer and pressed a kiss against Lena’s forehead. “I suppose that’s what happens when I have such a great face,” she deadpanned.

“It’s very distracting,” Lena returned the affection with a quick peck on the nose, though a moment later she could no longer stifle the giggles and smothered her face against Angela’s shirt while laughing.

“Oh, was that all a _joke?_ I see you’ve played me for a fool,” Angela teased and poked her in the side.

“No, of course not. I would _never_.”

“I’m not falling for your sweet words anymore, even if you’re adorable and I’m lying.”

“Well, it was definitely a mistake revealing your weakness, now you can’t stop me.” Lena traced fingers along strands of her golden hair and pressed her lips against it.

“Ah, what will I ever do now that I’m prey to your every whim?”

Lena hummed thoughtfully with a coy smile before leaning in to press their lips together. She held Angela’s face gently in her hands, her thumbs softly tracing her cheeks.

They pulled apart slightly to catch a breath, and there was always a slight swell of pride whenever Lena caught Angela’s dazed eyes after a kiss.

(When they started seeing each other, she may or may not have been a tad self-conscious in regards to their age gap and her lack of experience. There was a lot of fumbling and spaghetti dropping, which Angela still teased her about every now and then. Why did she have to have such a great memory?)

“Thank you for being you,” Lena murmured.

“...Thank you?” Angela answered slowly, a hint of amusement and confusion in her expression. “You’re being pretty affectionate for--” She glanced over at the clock momentarily. “--1:32 in the morning. And that’s taking into account the fact that you, by default, are more affectionate than the average person.”

“I was thinking about how great you are, and how I appreciate that. More people should. But until they do, that’s what I’m here for,” Lena grinned.

“I feel like that’s not the only thing you were thinking about… You want to talk about it?”

Of course Angela would be perceptive enough to recognize that. She couldn’t just take the compliment and let it alone, especially if she thought Lena was upset about something.

“I was just thinking about Overwatch. ...And Jack. And Gabe,” she mumbled. “I know, it’s all in the past, but it still bothers me sometimes.”

Angela didn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue as she reached forward to sweep her bangs to the side.

“Just. ...Mad. At them. ...And then that just reminded me of how… I dunno. You try so hard. And you had to try even harder after they left. And… I really love that about you, but I wish you didn’t have to work so hard… I mean--I know everyone else does too, Reinhardt and Torbjorn and Winston and… All the others too, of course. Everyone’s so great,” Lena sighed. “And…”

Angela continued watching her attentively.

“...They were there when Overwatch was great, and when it broke apart, they disappeared.”

“You feel like they left us holding the pieces?”

Lena gave a small nod, her eyes looking off to the side.

“Maybe.” Angela hummed thoughtfully, her fingers subconsciously brushing through her hair, and Lena reflexively leaned into her soothing touch.

“I can’t say I know what they’re thinking right now. But… we could have left it all behind just as easily. It was _our_ choice to hold on. So even if Jack and Gabe are gone now… Well, it doesn’t matter. Like you said, it’s in the past. _This_ isn’t Overwatch, even if it was made from its pieces. This is our chance to make something new. Something better. And we _chose_ to do that--regardless of what happened in the past.

“Besides, I only manage to try so hard because I have you to inspire me.” Angela took her hand and pressed a kiss to the back of her fingers. “So maybe I should be thanking you?” She smiled, and Lena was fairly certain she was smiling that widely because Angela knew she’d made her all flustered from the compliment.

“...Who’s being cheeky now?”

“Not me. I am _always_ sincere.” Angela pulled her closer into a cozy hug before continuing more softly, “I mean it. You keep me going, and I love that about _you_. You really make me believe in the good of the world.”

 _Oh_. Lena swallowed, definitely blushing now. “...Thank you?” she answered feebly.

Which apparently Angela thought was hilarious, as indicated by her chuckling into Lena’s hair. “Of course, _love_.”

“You’re definitely making fun of me now,” she whined quietly.

“I’m sorry. You make it easy sometimes; I can’t help my inclinations towards cruelty and teasing you when the opportunity arises.” Which, even if that was true, Lena wouldn’t mind considering how Angela made it up by giving her hugs and kissing her cheek.

“Yeah, I _guess_ I’ll put up with it,” Lena jokingly grumbled.

“Excellent. Now, because I’m a horrible monster, I’m going to hold you for the rest of the night while sleeping because your presence sets me at ease and I love you.” As if for emphasis, Angela squeezed her and nuzzled her hair.

Lena laughed quietly, “Go ahead, I’ll just suffer quietly.” After a beat of silence, she added softly, “Thank you for always being there.”

**Author's Note:**

> sorry about the end man i suck at ending this stuff. 
> 
> i just wanted to write gay shit. and tracer being salty. and my really weeaboo mercy h/c. and the world could always use more mercy/tracer fic.
> 
> hoped u enjoyed, thx for readin pals.


End file.
